Growing Alongside Them: Motherhood, Identity, and Life Transitions

There is often so much focus on how quickly our children grow that we forget something important: mothers are growing too.

As our children move from one developmental stage to another, we are constantly being introduced to new versions of them. The baby who once needed us for everything becomes the toddler determined to do everything independently. Before we know it, that same child is walking into school, developing friendships, forming opinions, and discovering who they are. But while they are becoming, so are we. I used to think there would eventually be a point in motherhood where I would simply get used to it; where I would feel like I knew exactly what I was doing and finally settle into this identity of being a mother. What I have come to realize is that motherhood doesn't really work that way. Every stage brings something new. And every stage asks us to become someone new, too.

Motherhood Changes More Than Our Responsibilities

Becoming a mother can change nearly every part of our lives. Our routines change. Our relationships may change. Our careers and priorities may look different. Even the way we see ourselves can shift. Sometimes those changes are beautiful. Sometimes they are difficult. Often, they are both. There can be so much joy in watching our children grow while simultaneously experiencing grief for the stages that have ended. We can miss the baby who once fell asleep on our chest while also being excited about the child they are becoming. We can be grateful for motherhood while missing pieces of who we were before it. Those feelings can exist together. Motherhood does not erase the person we were before becoming a mother, nor does becoming a mother mean that every other part of our identity suddenly becomes less important. We are still women with dreams, relationships, careers, interests, goals, fears, and desires of our own. Sometimes the challenge is figuring out how all of those pieces fit together now.

Meeting Yourself Again

Life transitions have a way of making us ask questions we may not have considered before:

• Who am I now?

• What matters to me in this season?

• What parts of myself have I neglected?

• What do I want my life to look like moving forward?

These questions do not necessarily mean something is wrong. Sometimes they are simply evidence that we are changing. The version of you who entered motherhood may not be the same version of you raising your children today. Your needs may have changed. Your relationships may have changed. Your career goals may have changed. Things you once tolerated may no longer feel sustainable, and things you never imagined wanting may suddenly feel important. There can be discomfort in realizing that an old version of yourself no longer fits. But there can also be freedom in allowing yourself to discover who you are becoming.

Our Children Aren't the Only Ones Growing

We spend so much time thinking about our children's milestones that we rarely acknowledge our own. Their first day of school may also represent a new season of independence for us. Their growing confidence may challenge us to rediscover our own. Their changing needs may create space for us to reconsider dreams we placed on hold. And sometimes, watching our children become more fully themselves reminds us that we deserve the opportunity to continue becoming, too. There is no final version of motherhood that we eventually arrive at. There is no point where we have experienced every challenge, mastered every stage, and finally have everything figured out. We are learning our children as they grow, and we are learning ourselves along the way. Maybe that is part of what makes motherhood such a profound life transition. We aren't simply raising children. We are growing alongside them. And perhaps we can give ourselves the same patience, curiosity, and compassion that we so readily offer them as they figure out who they are becoming. 

If you are navigating changes in motherhood, questioning who you are in this season, or trying to reconnect with parts of yourself that may have gotten lost along the way, therapy can offer a space to explore those experiences without judgment. You don't have to have everything figured out before asking for support. Sometimes having a space where you can be seen as a whole person, not only as a mother, can be an important part of discovering who you are becoming.

Need additional Support? Contact us today. - Aubri Taylor, Intern Therapist